Today's travelling neurotic is often caught abroad without access to the kind of quality psychological counseling essential to maintaining a stable sense of reality. Our pan-global corporate monopoly is committed to maintaining the public peace of mind necessary for profitable social functioning. Now, thanks to the friendly cognitive technicians at Eschelon Episystems and the prescient insights of the renowned Dr.Smile portable psychiatric counselor, our client list can instantly access intimate reflection from any node in the Empire!

Taking full advantage of the substantial benefits provided by modern micro-relay technologies and the Nexus 6 artificial-intelligence empathy-simulator chip, for the first time ever you too can access the sublime wisdom of the Dr.Smile mega'puter from the luxury and comfort of home or any participating interplanetary shuttlecraft! Housed deep in the sub-basement of our multi-corporate Vancouver compound, our system runs twenty-four hours to divert and diffuse your paranoiac fantasies. Doubting consensus reality? Questioning the ethics of authority? Plagued by existential anguish? You've come to just the right automated therapist.

By answering these fifteen rigorously scientific multiple choice questions, Dr.Smile will instantly delve through deep layers of your repressed subconscious to help aquaint you with the kind of wholesome and integrating personality analysis and advice which your shattered psyche deserves. So lie back, relax, and let the soothing council of Dr.Smile slowly dissect your trembling ego.